Downbound train
by FreeFallin12
Summary: What made Alex, Alex? Or maybe the question is who. This is her story, in her words.
1. Chapter 1

Alex' character is so fascinating I wanted to expand it and discover what made her who she was. Review please.

Enjoy :)

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"You call that drama? I call it reality tv."

Alex Nunez

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_Damn it. I am late again. I was planning on getting to class on time today and it would be nice to graduate high school and not have to be stuck in the hell hole I live in forever. Miraculously, it _

_wasn't actually my fault I was late today. My mom needed a little help getting out of bed so she could go to work today and I wasn't about to cost her the job she worked so hard to get just so I _

_could make it on time for school to start._

_You wouldn't understand how hard it is getting a tired drunk out of bed after she's been wasted for 6 hours and it makes it more difficult when I myself hadn't gotten the sleep I would of wanted _

_because of the damn freshly opened scars on my body. It's revolting. I cannot believe I am writing in a journal. It really does help me deal, you know? It calms me down after an especially difficult _

_night. My oh so wonderful dad gave it to me as a 'good-bye' present before he ditched out on me and mom. You are obviously reading it because I was idiot enough to leave it where anybody could _

_find it._

_I brought the drama on myself. I am sure of it. I have always been an oddball wanting to get in trouble just so that my parents would look at me long enough to punish me. I am proud of my _

_quick wit, although it has caused me a lot of problems._

_You have no idea what I am talking about, do you?_

_It began back in 8__th__ grade, while I was at Lakehurst. My dad left. He had flipped out after I brought a guy to my house. He's a bigot and my friend was black. He yelled some bad stuff at me, stuff I _

_am not likely to forget. I had to switch schools after that because my wonderful dad had rung up some credit card debt so we ran. No more nice food on the table and nice guys that my mom _

_found. I mean my dad wasn't nice but I think he loved me. At least that's why he said he did what he did, because he cared about me and he wanted me to change my ways. I had started hanging _

_out with the 'wrong crowd' even though they were a lot better than anybody else at Lakehurst. We were the outsiders, the damaged goods. It went downhill from there until the moment was right _

_and I turned my life around._

_This is my story._


	2. Chapter 2

I'm trailer trash. That's my mom's newest boyfriend Chad's excuse whenever he flips out towards me. Not that he needed to tell that to me, I already knew it. Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself. You are wondering what happened after my dad left. My mom and I had to downgrade to a crappy two room apartment, I got a crappy job and she found a bunch of crappy boyfriends. It was a struggle from then on. I am not very good at making friends and the new school Degrassi didn't exactly welcome newcomers. This one girl Paige came up right to my face and asked me if I was queen of the trailer park. "Hell ya!" I told her and decked her in the face. It touched my nerves, what she said.

_I was seven and sharing a wonderful moment with my dad. Back then he was sober and lovely so much different then at our last meeting. I was gazing up at him from my comfy seat on his lap (my seat) and couldn't thinking of anyone more wonderful than him._

_Lexibaby, I love you soooo much. Do you want to know how much?_

_Yeah, Daddy, How much? I inquired. He looked down at me with his twinkling hazel eyes._

_I love you this much he said opening his arms. My jaw dropped and he pulled me into a hug._

_That's a whole bunch, I replied awestruck._

_You wanna know something else? _

_Yeah, Daddy, tell me. Pleaseee. I begged and he smiled his magnificent smile at me lifting my mood immensely. _

_You sobered me up, Lexibaby, you saved me._

_Did I daddy? Did I really? I asked and he nodded. The huge fixated grin on my face faded._

_Daddy, you know the boy Billy across the streets? Well he called me trailer trash today and told me I wouldn't ever be able to do anything good. My dad gripped me hard _

_Lexibaby, don't you listen to him one minute. We might live in a trailer, but you aren't ever trailer trash. You have done a lot, you saved my life, you gave me joy. You tell that boy Billy that you are queen of the trailer parks._

_Okay Daddy._

_That was my greatest memory. It hurt though, how much my dad had changed. His brother died in a car crash when I was in 6__th__ grade and they were very close. My dad was crushed and couldn't stay sober, even for me. _

This girl Paige was quick on the rebound. I could have easily taken her except when her posse joined in. I didn't want to risk the chance of showing the bruises from the night my dad left or from being even more hurt so I fled. Later that day, during shop, I met people that I could someday call friends.

Maybe.

Shop is like the only class I am alright at, and it isn't even a real class. Dude, I am crap at school. I wouldn't be all that bad if I actually had time to do my homework, or inclination. It wasn't as if I could go to college or even graduate high school. At least that was what I thought back in freshman year. I understood shop though ; it was my place to shine. I get mechanics and they make sense to me. I can actually apply them to my life. The kids in there were pretty cool too. Jay, Amy, Towerz, and a dude named Sean. They weren't like the guys I used to hang out with, they smoked, they swore, they got physical and I liked that. I needed a place where I could dish out my frustrations. There was a lot of pressure in my life from my mom and her boyfriend's and stuff and I couldn't deal with it in sports (I don't think coaches would want a player with a bunch of bruises on her body) or anywhere else. Jay, Amy, Towerz, and Sean understood me though cus they were going through it too. When I walked into shop on my first day Jay was standing there looking at me.

"Dude, watcha looking at."

"You."

"No way really?"

"Nice one, smart ass. I know you. You are the new kid that decked Paige in the hallway." I was surprised, gossip really traveled fast in Degrassi. He continued "I just wanted to thank you, she is a arrogant spoiled brat", saying it with venom.

"Whatever, her friends jumped me after."

"Man, it was five to one. Not exactly fair. Don't worry though, we'll take care of them if they try to mess you up again." Crap, this wasn't what I wanted.


	3. Chapter 3

_What have I done to deserve this? Wait… don't ask that. This is totally all my fault. Mr. Simpson knows. He offered to help with whatever was going on but I am no charity case. I have to deal with this on my own. Don't I?_

"Damn it mom do you have to call me at work? People will start suspecting something." Don't hate me, I know it sounded harsh and I instantly regreted it. There was a reason that she called, there had got to be. Her voice quivered when she talked on the phone, it sounded like a mourning dolphin or something.

"honey, you have to leave. Chad is looking for you and he is angry. He is bringing a belt." _This is so very great. I can't leave because I need this job. I am going to have to risk pain for money I guess. _

_You don't understand what this job is to me. It puts food on our plates, helps pay the bills. Without this I will constantly be at home nursing my wounds. You might say it's a mother's job to provide for her child. However, it's my fault my dad left so I have to make it up to her._

"It's okay mom, stop sounding worried. Can you do me a favor though? I think she was shocked by my calm and whispering voice. After a few lifetime lengthed moments she mumbled yes.

"You have got to get out of here for a while."

"But Lexi…"

"No buts, he is going to come after me, I know it mom. You have to find a safe place maybe at someone else's house where you can stay. If I am not hurt to bad than I'll call you and stay with you. I don't want Chad to come after you as well."

"No, I can't do that. Honey, where would I go?"

"Go to Jay's apartment. Tell him I sent you there."

" I can't leave you. I can't desert my child."

"Mama. You aren't abandoning me, I asked you to do this. It is my fault so let me deal with it"

"It isn't your fault"

"too late mom, what comes comes. It's okay." I hung up because I was getting weird stares from the constumers. The time ticked by slowly. I went into the refridgerator at the movie theator to get some ice ready. I know I wouldn't be able to go home tonight. Paige Michalchuk keeps on lookin' at me funny too. I don't get it, what have I done?

_Crap, he is here already. My mom's oh so wonderful boyfriend Chad. He is equipped with a drunken stupor, temper, and a belt. The worst thing is that I know I won't do anything about it. Sure, I'll yell at him and try to fight back for a little bit. I am such a coward though that it won't last long._

"Alex. What's wrong?" Paige was looking directly at me with big blue eyes. I can't answer that. I can't answer that. Her eyes are getting to me though, I can't remember someone looking at me with that much sincerity for a long time. I gulped.

_Hey baby, what's goin on? My boyfriend Declan just asked me. My family was tearing apart. My dad was in such grief over his brother's death that he started drinking again._ _He used to tell me I looked just like his brother Joe. Now he can't even bother to look at me again or he bursts into tears. _

_I would beg my dad to look at me and acknowledge me even if it was a yelling match; at least then he knew I existed. Declan doesn't understand this. He'll just laugh at me, won't he? Tell me it is all my fault. I feel desperate though. So desperate that I don't care if he insults me or mocks me. I tell him and what he does shocks me even more. He starts to cry. Tears trickling slowly down his face at first, than faster and faster. Somehow he can do what I, Alex Nunez, was never able to do. He could admit his sorrow and through his tears I was able to heal._

"Look over there" As she turned her head I added "that is my mom's boyfriend. I have to go." I couldn't let her see me hunched over, beaten down. I couldn't let Paige see the tough girl in Degrassi lain slumped on the ground, unconsious. I lowered my head and followed Chad out the door, defeated.

_You wouldn't believe how much noise a belt makes as it whistles in the air or how hard it is to get your mind of the pain. I try thinking of Mom and when that doesn't work I find myself switching to Jay and the rest of the crew. They would understand. I have seen Jay look at me with those concerned eyes, pondering my hazerdeous state. I could picture him kneeling over me praying to something out there, unknown that I would rise from the ground. I would drift off._


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you Nightcrawlerlover for Beta Reading this. I do not own Alex or Degrassi or anything like that. Enjoy. And Review.

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It feels kind like a hangover, getting up after a fairly bad lashing. A much different drink the night before, it is almost like a shot of pain or something of the sort. I have to keep thinking

weird analogies like this to keep my mind of the pain. I haven't actually opened my eyes yet because I don't really want to see the state of my body. It's really starting to burn, it feels l

ike I am being scorched; actually I wouldn't put it past Chad. He has used the hot iron before. I open my eyes with a sigh of relief, I have not been dragged to my mother's apartment

and I am not lying on the street corner.. Where am I? The first thought that comes to my mind is hospital, but no, this place was not lifeless it was actually kind of hopeful.

Yes, the pleasant sight does indeed take my mind off the pain; but so does the dread that is starting to fill me.

– "Ah, you have awakened."

It wasn't a gruesome kidnapper, or Chad. Instead it was Mr. S, and I was actually pleased to see him until I realized what this meant. _He knows! He knows! I got to get out of here, I got _

_to, I got to! _(That's my sub conscience going crazy.) And for the first time in a long time I heard a different voice, a bolder one. _STAY HERE! HE CAN HELP YOU. HE ALREADY DID, YOU OWE _

_IT TO HIM._ I started to retort, _I didn't owe anybody anything._ It does sound pretty stupid to argue with your thoughts though (that's what I think they are at least) and the look in Mr.

Simpson's eye was getting to me. No guy had ever looked at me with such compassion mustered into his facial features, even Jay (although I didn't stare at him long enough to truly

notice). His eyes seemed ablaze and unwavering, not letting me out of his gaze.

"Please don't run away." He said. I stared.

_Daddy, Daddy, please don't go. I forgive you daddy for hurting me. You lost control and I understand that. Everybody loses control. You are deserting me – Please don't run away._

It felt strange hearing these own words mimicked to me, and I could not be like my father after all this wonderful man has done to help. "Thank you." I say with all the strength I could

muster, trying to fit all my gratitude and thankfulness into two little words while it pained my chest to talk.

"No, thank you." I looked up in shock, it had been so long since I have heard those two beloved words and I definitely didn't deserve them.

"I helped you because it was the right thing to do, and you just sitting there staring at me with those heartfelt tears shows more appreciation than even a thousand heartfelt words."

I didn't even know I was crying.

I tried to sit up so that Mr. Simpson could sit next to me but I couldn't. He shook his head, grabbed a random chair and pulled it next to me. It took me a couple tries to move my mouth

enough to make words come out, and when they did they where raspy, but I didn't care. "Look, Mr. Simpson. I wasn't really expecting this and I am sorry for all the trouble I have

caused you. I should probably go now and find my mother, make sure she is okay." I started to stand up but he gently pushed me back down.

"I have already contacted your mother. I am not letting you go back to that hell."

"How?" I didn't want to let Mr. Simpson talk to me that way, but I couldn't help wondering.

"I've got my secrets, just like you have got yours." He paused. "Miss Nunez, you have surprised me. I regret to say that previously to your accident I held no hope for you. Smoking and

hanging out in the ravine, ditching class, not studying. And your friends, I held no hope for them." He stuck his head down, ashamed. "It is I that should be sorry. I had no idea what you

are going through. When I found you on the street I couldn't even recognize you. I had to open your wallet to see your identification, and I found Jay's number. I called him and found

out your mother was staying with him and most of what was going on.

"At least I think so."

Here was a man, a teacher no less who had went through all this trouble to help me. I owed it to him to tell him what was really going on. "Sir, you've met my mother. She is pretty

fragile and when Chad's mad, let's just say I'd rather take the blame." Mr, Simpson sighed and whispered something like "You shouldn't have to."

"I deserve it. It's better me than my mom."

"Have you even looked at yourself? Who would deserve that?"

"I've smoked pot, I've stolen, I've had sex, I've had drugs, I've had alcohol."

"Why do you think you did those things?"

I was taken by surprise. Nobody had ever asked me that before. They had only judged me, judged me before really knowing me. First my dad, then people at school, and Chad, it just

never seemed to end. Now that I actually thought of it the only people that hadn't judged me were Jay and my crew and Mr. Simpson. I guess the reason that I did all those things were

because I needed a way to rebel. I am not my mother, I am not afraid of pain. I stole because I was hungry, I smoked because I was worried, I had sex because I thought I need

comfort and affection, and had drugs because I was already on the deep end and I drank because I needed to drown my sorrows.

"I don't know. I'm damaged goods."

"You're a teenager. Most teenagers have done some of the stuff you have done to fit in, or to seem cool."

"I don't care about fitting in though. I was hungry, I didn't want to have to fight my own demons, I needed comfort. Is there anything wrong with that?"

Mr. Simpson grasped my hand, not in a creepy old man way. He didn't know it then but it was that gesture that gave me hope, I began to talk. I told him everything. I held nothing back.

And it helped, it was like sharing my demons and they weren't enveloping me anymore. For the first time since my dad left I felt safe.


	5. Chapter 5

_Sorry for such a long wait, I have been so busy with homework and the such. Sorry for all of the bad grammer and stuff. Please review and if you have any ideas for future plots I would be pleased to have them. I am the owner of all things degrassi, except degrassi, most of the characters featured in this story, and some of the plot line. Please enjoy.

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_

What caused me the most astonishment me the most about finding him here at this moment wasn't just his sudden forgetfulness of vulgar language, nor was it only the words he chose to

speak. The sincere look in his eyes told me more about him than everyone in school could.

"Eh? You there princess? You okay?" Yes, Jay just called me princess. I wasn't quite sure why Jay was here sitting next to me in Mr. S's living room, but it hurt too much for me to leave.

Jay took a long look at me and winced.

"Damn, princess. What the hell did he do?" I understood then that Jay meant business. It was to late to back out of this corner so I pressed on.

"Not much."

"Maybe if you can look me in the eye and say it in a straight face I would actually would. Right now though, I sure as hell don't."

"It's not your problem."

"Princess, your problem is my problem. Don't look at me like that. I care about you and I don't want you walking around hurting when I could help you. And don't you dare say that it is

your fault. No we have to do something about this.

"WE don't have to do anything."

"Lexi, you can't go around letting him hurt you and not saying anything. Cus your hurting, your in pain and he put you there. Letting him get away with it is letting him win." _What he told _

_me cut me in the core. He was right, I was letting Him win. But if letting him win against me saved my mom pain that I am okay with it._

"We have to tell the police."

"No."

"What if something bad happened? He could really hurt you. I am worried." _Like there was any way I was going to say no to a plead like that, but it wasn't that easy._

"I don't think they would believe me." For a second there I held up hope that maybe I could get out of this screwed up life I lived in. Without looking Jay in the eye, I mumbled on, "unless,

unless they saw it happen." Jay retorted, telling me it was way too much of a danger for me but I wouldn't listen. My mind had already been made up.

_

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_

I'm not sure how, or why, but Mr. Simpson had convinced me to talk to our class about my favorite memory.

"Life is rough, eh? Strange way to start of an English paper, eh? Does it look like I care? It's a rhetorical question so please don't answer it. Since life 'sucks' we have one of two options.

Be mopey or deal with the problem. Guess I chose the latter. There has been one thing I have realized about life. Family is what you make of it. The best memory I have from when I was

a kid was from Christmas Eve, 1999. My parents never did have much money to go around, just enough to make ends meet. I didn't care if I got presents or not but I absolutely hated the

downcast look in their eyes when they realized that they couldn't provide for me. They never understood that they were all I ever needed. Doing what I did best, I went to Santa's

Workshop, the local department store, to sit on Santa's lap. Looking as cute as could be I told him that I wouldn't be having a Christmas cus there was nothing for my family under the

tree. Ha! Like we even had a tree. Well, he worked his little magic and lo and behold, Christmas morning brought in a barrage of gifts. The enthralled look on my parents' faces was the

best present I could ask for.

That Christmas was the last Christmas I have celebrated. My dad gave up being sober after his brother died. IO guess he thought he owed it to us. After tat, it wasn't exactly pleasant

nor safe to be around him. He went out one night, slammed the door shut, and left me unconscious on the ground, never to come back. GOOD RIDDANCE. My mom has fallen in love with

every dirt bag and jackass in the county, brought them home, treated them like royalty, and let them walk all over her. And me. I've found myself and new family though. A family that

wants me, protects me, encourages me, and the life a have made now is a beautiful one. There is nothing more I could ever want." _Jay gave me one single hard look and I knew what he _

_was thinking._ "She is saying goodbye." _Hell no, I was just getting started._


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